Dispatches from Japan

Dispatches from Japan

My husband travels for work sometimes. Here are some of his observations from a recent trip to Japan!

Japan is an interesting country. My overall impressions are that it is very clean, the people are very polite, and I would feel safe walking the streets at night almost anywhere. I always get the feeling they’re much more afraid of me than I am of them. I try to look unthreatening – you know, basic stuff, like not baring my teeth and growling at random passers-by. But I always feel a little like a Sasquatch lumbering around among Capuchin monkeys.

Japan does have its quirks for the new visitor. Here are a few observations from a couple of recent business trips to Japan.

Deluxe toilets

Anyone who has been to Japan is familiar with the deluxe toilet seats. If there’s one thing I can say about the Japanese as a population, it’s that they must have very clean bums. Virtually all public restrooms have these toilet seats, and you can buy them at home stores, electronics shops and department stores as well. They all have a Spray and a Bidet button, which do, well, just what you’d expect (and just what the cute icons depict). I still haven’t figured out what the difference is between the two – they both seem to do the same thing. I guess my uncultured Western bum just isn’t discerning enough.
Dispatches from Japan
Some of them also have (and I quote) Powerful Deodorizer. And one I saw in a coffee shop in Osaka had a button marked Flushing Sound, with a little musical note icon. I assumed this was some pleasant tune or something to mask the sound of the flush. But no, when you press this button, it makes a flushing sound. Why you would want a simulated flushing sound when you have the real thing right there is a mystery to me.

Interesting English

English in Japan has the same sort of cachet that French does for many English speakers. (Notice how I cleverly used the French word cachet in that last sentence, to make my point. That’s why Easy On The Cook pays me the big guest-blogger bucks.) It’s used a lot in advertising slogans and brand names. However, the usage is often humorous or just plain odd to a native English speaker. Here are few examples:

I also could have purchased some Red Snapple Sushi, a 4-port USB Hug, or a 1400-watt Hair Driver A popular brand of sports drink is called Pocari Sweat, and another popular soft drink brand is Calpis (Look, I don’t care who Cal is…)

Interesting food

Of course, no discussion of Japan would be complete without mentioning the food. A good rule of thumb in Japan is, the more expensive it is, the weirder it is. At the low end of the price scale, you can find Tonkatsu (deep-fried pork cutlets, usually served with a mound of raw, finely shredded cabbage), or Ramen noodles, among other things.
Dispatches from Japan
Of course there’s sushi. My favorite way to have sushi is kaiten sushi. This is where you sit at a bar and little plates of sushi parade by on a conveyor belt. You just pick off what you want, and to figure out what to charge you, they just look at your stack of plates.  (This is catching on in North America now.  Our local mall has a Wasabi, which is chain of kaiten sushi restaurants.)

At one rather fancy Japanese restaurant, there was an appetizer (and I use the term loosely, because it was about as far from appetizing as you can get) that was some kind of gnarly, rubbery, shell-dwelling creature. Not being a marine biologist, I couldn’t identify it. Pulling it out of its shell reminded me of that scene from Wrath of Khan where the big mind-controlling bug comes out of Chekhov’s ear. And eating it was about as pleasant.

I’m actually pretty sure that the Japanese themselves don’t eat the really weird stuff. It’s just a trick they play on foreigners. I imagine whispered, giggling conversations in the kitchen: I wonder what we can get them to eat this time! Look, look, he’s about to bite into it

Awesome Trains

The train system in Japan is wonderful. The trains are fast, clean, efficient, and always precisely on time. I wish we could have this kind of infrastructure in North America. If you’re thinking about taking a connecting flight from, say, Tokyo to Nagoya, the train is probably a better option: 275 miles, in just over 90 minutes, at 160mph.
Dispatches from Japan
Some of the train stations are huge and can be a little intimidating, but the signs are good, so you can usually find your way around.

Uncle Hiroshi’s Curiosity Shop

Not too far from the hotel is what used to be a department store (or so it appears). It’s mostly empty now – maybe they went out of business or relocated. But there are a couple of small shops using some of the space. A 100-yen shop (like a dollar store) on the first floor. A womens clothing store on the 3rd floor. And then there’s this odd little shop on the 4th floor. It’s this collection of knick-knacks and old books and magazines. Eclectic art books. Avant-garde magazines from 15 years ago. There’s really not much there; it’s not one of those crammed-to-the-rafters kind of places, just an odd assortment of things neatly laid out. It’s like someone cleaned out Crazy Uncle Hiroshi’s garage and then used the stuff to start a second-hand shop. The oddest thing I saw there was a VHS tape titled X-Rated Japanese Reggae Dancers.

The title just begs so many questions. Who knew there was Japanese reggae? And with dancers, to boot? What do the Japanese consider X-Rated when it comes to their reggae dancers? I was tempted to buy it just for the WTF factor. But in the end, I settled for a photo, just to prove that I wasn’t making it up.
Dispatches from Japan
Speaking Japanese

If you are fortunate enough to travel to Japan, learning even a few words of Japanese will be much appreciated by the locals. The basic yes, no, please, thank you, and excuse me will get you a long way. If you want to go farther than that, some of Tim Pattersons 10 Extraordinarily Useful Japanese Phrases for Travellers is a great place to start. And you should also keep this phrase handy for when your Japanese colleagues take you out and try to get you to drink too much (as they inevitably will). You can make a nice toast to start things off:
Oh sake oh, atataka kuteh mo, tsumeta kuteh mo, oishi des. Nihon daiski. Kampai!:
Sake: hot or cold, it’s delicious. Japan is great!. Let’s drink!

That’s sure to win you some points with the locals.


Annie says:

How exciting, felt like I was in Japan with you! I do like the toilet options, Americans are not the neatest when using public restrooms. Ugh! The food? questionable, I want to know what I am eating. The upstairs shops, retro may be hitting there. Thanks for the tour.

easyonthecook says:

Glad you enjoyed the post! ;-)

M says:

I loved reading your piece on Japan – such a fascinating country. “No pudding, no life!”, should be everybody’s motto! LOL. Thanks!

easyonthecook says:

I want a t-shirt that says “No Pudding, no Life!” Glad you enjoyed!